25 Dec, 2013

I want a perfect life, perfect relationships and perfect moments of my life as a perfect person for whom I will feel happy for every moment of myself and proud of my self.

I want to be neither talkative nor dumb… but want to make everyone around me happy for me… they must crave to hear me… they should be anxious to my voice…! But every one should be happy with me…! My life should not be dramatic but totally realistic and happy that everyone should envy for that… they must feel to be with me…! I hate religious contradictions and comparisons… I love every religion I would love to bow my head in every temple, church or masjid… I m not at all against any love marriage nor I am in favor for arrange marriage… I just feel that in my own case I have hand over my life into my parents hand as long as my husband won’t step in my life… and so even a right to take decision to select a right better half for me is also I have given to my parents… but since the moment my husband will stepped in my life I will give my life into my husband’s hand… and will hold his hand to fulfill his life and dreams along with mine too together…! I would love to be with him on every stage of the life… to love him and to care him… in exchange I expect to get his infinitely love, care, to be in his thoughts, with smile on his lips with my presence around him, and to get his loyalty towards his relationship with me…! My parents has fulfilled my wishes, they have taught me as much best as they can… and the most precious lesson from them to me is 100% principle oriented person with all the important morals of the life…!

I don’t want to be lazy at all… even I will raise by age I want to be young forever not by look but by inner youth and strength in body…!

I love my special angelic and gifted siblings J marnie cum manu, adi cum hasru and shalu cum my fulbaji as much as I do love kanha…! They have made a different meaning to my life… and I m so lucky to get them in my life…! Also I love HB di… knowingly or unknowingly I have found a wonderful lady cum elder sis to whom I really do trust from core of my heart…! Her simple and shyly silentness has won my heart… and I love her so much J

Kadhi kadhi naa khup tension yet! Kalatach nahi ki what is life?

So many dreams, so many hopes and so many ambitions!

I laugh but don’t know if is it really joy? I never felt like that!

I had been feelings as if the love means that is the miracle, that someone comes infront of eyes at a perfect moment at the first and eyes meet each other and smile appears on the lips, and heart and mind both understands that yes he is my soulmate since so many live that none can even predict! J

But no! my first experience in life had given me a strong experience that it is not at all the love! To get a true love who belongs in our life is not so easy! But then I yet feel that ‘ok! No problem! That’s even ok! Just I wish one thing is that god should bring that someone so specially in my life that my heart should dance with rhythm of his heart beat!  My every dream should come true, and my every fear should let go! I love manu, hasru and shalu, and I wish that my husband should easily accept these relationships in my life as his relationships also! And should support me and should be a most amazing member of my MAST! I should never feel fear that with the thought that what he will think if I will tell him about these three or so many other dreams in my life!’

Khup kahi karaychay… khup kahi milawaychay… deva mala right way dakhaw! Mazya parivarache rakshan kar! Manu, shalu , aai ani sagle lok to whom I love core of my heart naa sagle mast healthy rahu de! Shalu cha health problem purn pane solve hou de!

Pn kadhi hi… kuthe hi aamhi asu naa tari aaj ji bonding I have with these three ti ashich rahu de! Ni kanha…. Please tyala jara bolaychi echha nirman kar… let him share his feelings freely with me! Kahi kalat nahi ki to kay vichar karat asto! Kay chalu aste tyachya dokyat!

Deva mala ni kanha la ashi buddhi de naa ki aamachya aai papa naa kadhi khali maan nako ghalayla lagayla amchya kontyach act mule! Tyanchi image naa steadily honorable rahu det in this world! Khup kahi karaychay but aai papa naa kadhi hurt nahi karaychay! I know my relationship with manu, hasru and shalu are not at all easy for anybody to digest but te mazya peksha chote aahet! asa kuni perfect life partner in my life yeu det atta ki jo mazya manat hya 3 wishayi kitti respect aahe te kalu det tyala! Ni tyala sagle reason that why I really love and respect them 3 like this much te neet eikun ghaychi, samjun ghyaychi buddhi de! Maza husband naa agdi asa asawa jashi tapsvi kaki ni pratap kaka nchi pair madhe understanding in bonding aahe! Mazya aai papa madhle prachand trust tar already test zaliy with that one biggest storm in my life! but along with trust for each other, ek gosht extra aahe tapasvi kaki ni pratap kaka chya relationship madhe, aaji-aajoba chya relationship madhe…. Ti mhanje equality! Which makes their pair more beautiful in my eyes! Means kaka naa ase kadhi watat nahi that he is husband and so he have more rights and kaki should treat him with more respect and he should control her life! they are the best friends first before husband and wife! And this thing is really makes me feel so special about their bonding! And obviously other matters are essential in happily married life… the love, te prem express pn karayla hawe aste kadhi tari to let the partner understand that what feelings they have for each other! Not matter kay age aahe… prem ni shraddha asne naa khup garjechi gosh taste about husband and wife relationship!

These days when I watch every couple, I studies them! Ni unknowingly try karat aste, that what exactly they come to realize that they are mean for each other? Obviously just handsome face pahun tar nakkich ase watat nahi ki we are made for each other! Kahi tari aste je ki make it feel as if they are mean for each other! Ni jar he judgment wrong zale tar that wedding fails! But i can’t even bear that thought ki maze wedding kadhi fail jawe! No! never!

Deva tula je experience dyayche te de! But jya wyakti shi maze engagement and wedding hoil naa to asa unique piece in this world asu det ki jyachya entry ne maze life naa kharo khar perfect hou de! Ni I am ready to be with him as his shadow forever! Tyache aims, maze aims ek mekana perfectly purak asu de! Aayushy badlun takaychay mala! Nahi rahaychay hya kanatal wanya life madhe! Maze dreams naa kabij karun ek perfect life banawaychey mala! Ek ase life jyache mi dreams karte! Money tar obviously aim nahiye for my life, but one strongly needed supporting material aahe to make my life perfect and my dreams complete! Mi jar kunala tari madat karu echhite, jara kunache tari life badlawu echhite tar surely tya lokanchya nourishment ani care sathi, tyanchya daily needs fulfill karnyasathi I need money! Without money nahi kahi dreams complete hot!

Surely never run behind money but ashi pn situation nako yayla in life ki aaplya dreams naa purn karanya sathi kuna samor tari apeksha karayla lagel! Kadhi hi wel deva yeu nako deus in my life that I would feel that need! Mala saksham kar! Mazya husband la ni mala aamchya ek meka sathi perfect kar!

Mi prachand lajte! Kadhi kuna samor kahich easily bolu nahi shakat and so I felt a way of writing these ffs perfect, where i could put my feelings through the characters I describes!

Deva mala kharach in different cast kahi wishwas nahiye! Tu kontya rupat aahes te pn kahi farak nahi padat! Ni I love u in every religion, every cast, in every community! Tu church madhe raha, mashjit madhe raha ki mandir madhe… just hear me out is my wish! Ani I really want husband who will have same feeling about you! And not at all just typical hindu who bows his head only and only infront of temples and utters something against other religious sacred places! I hate that sort of people more than anything else! B’cos I am the person who believes in god in every life around me and not at all in just dead stones! So let perfect one step in my life devi mate!

9 Dec,2013

Most amazing day of my life....
had begun with most problematic things and making me angry and frustrated... that

Today: Most amazing day of my life...]
had began with worst things... and ended into giving me amazing feelings...
I don't know what i felt... was pity or was i sad? but i had tears in my eyes on hearing abt his life...
With great efforts i turned my face immediately away from his mom's gaze yet i know she had noticed my glassy eyes over flooded with tears...!

the whole atmosphere was totally heavenly... full of pinkish, orange and golden colors scattered around the sky... cool evening breeze of winter was peeping in to touch my face... and a beautiful song of "Bagban" was running in my ear filling my sense with beautiful feeling...! I was just feeling as if, i should be thankful to god for creating such a beautiful world like heaven around and offering me an opportunity to enjoy that beautiful heavenly moment with my most favorite loneliness...!

and the sit beside me was empty...!
one stop came and i just turned my gaze to the direction of passengers as a normal... i was known that someone of them will surely allocate that empty space beside me now...!
few men stepped in and then i saw a young good looking lady stepping in with a little figure wrapped in white shawl against her shoulder and her little daughter of 7 to 8yr age walking forward giving way to her mother...!

I don't know why... but i felt to immediately put my purse on sit beside me and when some man asked me "may i sit please?".... i pointed at the direction of lady and said "no uncle... sorry that lady is going to sit...!"

that lady seen me from door only and i could sense her face had glow just within that moment when she notice me pointing to her...!  *i had felt such a amazing joy in my heart that moment on watching her glowing face for my act, that yet even now i m smiling on remembering it" 

then her little cute daughter sat beside me and i gave a bit more space to her mom by purpose with the thought might her baby is looking seek...!

whole journey for a long while i was silent and just listening music to subside my travelling tiredness with closed eyes...!

but then in one moment... i heard... someone talking to that lady...!
just with curiosity i took off my ear phone and hear their talk... she was saying... "he is boy...! he is not able to watch since his birth...! he was just of 6 months when motibindu surgery was done on him...!"

her words made me so shocked and sad... that i just felt to touch that boy's cheeks...! he was so beautiful... and damn cute... with his tiny hands he was doing some sort of noise in his mouth...!

I just purposely touched his cheeks, and he turned his neck with that touch... and i forget to even turned my eyes off him... his beautiful face was just lagging in one thing... his eyes were totally whitish...! i felt so hard to feel that moment...!

his mom noticed pain in my eyes... and she said... "surgery had been carried out on his eyes when he was just of 6months at mumbai...! and doc has said he could watch in future...! now he is of 5yrs... i hope very soon my baby will be able to watch...!"

that mother's words were making my mind and heart bleeding badly...!
then unknowingly i asked "then what that surgery had shown effect on him? didn't it worked out?"

she just cuddled and cared that boy's hairs with affection... and said "he could now just feel light... he reacts on watching lights... but nothing else...! he can't even say what he watch or what not...!"

I asked unknowingly"why? yet he has not learned to speak?"
and i could sense... that lady was feeling hard to answer my question...! but yet with smile she answered me "He is not able to hear too...! he is deaf...! and so he can't even speak...! he is dumb also...!" i was unable to believe my years at that moment... and her further words were like even crown of the pain... that... "he has alot of problems since his birth...! he has hole in his heart...!"

I was not able to control my tears in that moment...!
inspite of my effort to not to show off my tears to his brave mother... i failed in controlling my glassy eyes... and in the next moment before tears could get path out of my eyes i turned my face away from her and tried to wipe off my tears...! but on meeting her gaze after that moment i could sense... she had seen my tears already...! I hate hate hate for that failure...! b'cos i know, his mom was brave lady and unknowingly my tears had given her feel of sympathy in my heart to her...! and i was not at all willing to break her with my those tears...!

but whatever it is.... her further nice talk with me made me feel like i done a nice thing in my life today by giving just a place to sit her...! she felt so happy in her heart at that only moment...! and at the last when i was just about to stepped out of the bus at my stop... she said me "listen to me..."
i looked at her with puzzled gaze...!
she said "My son Chaitany has so many problems b'cos i had not been vaccinated with Rubela...! so if you can... plz do vaccination... every girl after 15yr should be vaccinated with RUBELA"

I just felt to smile and say "Thank you!"
Her daughter finally with a wide smile said "Bye bye didi" and i again failed to control tear in my eyes... so finally i immediately stepped out of the bus so that she should not be able to watch those tears in my eyes...!

.

16th nov, 2013

I want a perfect life, perfect relationships and perfect moments of my life as a perfect person for whom I will feel happy for every moment of myself and proud of my self.

I want to be neither talkative nor dumb… but want to make everyone around me happy for me… they must crave to hear me… they should be anxious to my voice…! But every one should be happy with me…! My life should not be dramatic but totally realistic and happy that everyone should envy for that… they must feel to be with me…! I hate religious contradictions and comparisons… I love every religion I would love to bow my head in every temple, church or masjid… I m not at all against any love marriage nor I am in favor for arrange marriage… I just feel that in my own case I have hand over my life into my parents hand as long as my husband won’t step in my life… and so even a right to take decision to select a right better half for me is also I have given to my parents… but since the moment my husband will stepped in my life I will give my life into my husband’s hand… and will hold his hand to fulfill his life and dreams along with mine too together…! I would love to be with him on every stage of the life… to love him and to care him… in exchange I expect to get his infinitely love, care, to be in his thoughts, with smile on his lips with my presence around him, and to get his loyalty towards his relationship with me…! My parents has fulfilled my wishes, they have taught me as much best as they can… and the most precious lesson from them to me is 100% principle oriented person with all the important morals of the life…!

I don’t want to be lazy at all… even I will raise by age I want to be young forever not by look but by inner youth and strength in body…!

I love my special angelic and gifted siblings J marnie cum manu, adi cum hasru and shalu cum my fulbaji as much as I do love kanha…! They have made a different meaning to my life… and I m so lucky to get them in my life…! Also I love HB di… knowingly or unknowingly I have found a wonderful lady cum elder sis to whom I really do trust from core of my heart…! Her simple and shyly silentness has won my heart… and I love her so much J

18 oct, 2013

I don't know whether it is right or wrong...!
but today i m stating my wish which have been running in my mind since i got the sense of thinking...
i want to donate my eyes and kidney...! i wish that my eyes and kidney must be given under either marnie's control or aditya's...! they will have right to decide to whom then my eyes and kidney should be donated....!
kanha if someday u or anybody will read my this diary then i expect that you people must do this for me...! my kidney must be donated to needy one as per hasru(aditya) and manu's(marnie cavell) choice...!

5 Oct, 2013

Some times don't know what my heart expect me to do... but i could just feel what i want to do...!
some time minds speaks different and heart feel different and i feel like to shout a loud and cry out as much as i could...!
sometimes i don't get what i want... i just feel like something is trying to be out of me but don't know what it is...!
might i have wing... and might even i know how to fly using those wings... but yet feels like a pigeon within a cage...!
why this is happening to me oh my lord?
why i feels like to be kept in cage?
oh my lord please give me fate to gain a meaning to my life... to reach up to dreams and ambitions i have in my heart...!  I wish to have perfect family where everything will be what i want... is this possible?
i don't know...! but i just know that nothing is impossible to you...! and so i want to asks my god... may i get that my beautiful dream to live which i have drawn in my heart? can you please do in my favor to bring all my lovelies even a bit more closer than today and keep my life happiest with them and their smiling faces? please do this...!
i want to fly in the sky not lonely but with the smiles on their faces and eyes glued upto me when i will fly in sky...!
i am happy for what i m today but want to reach upto that stage which i have dreamed for me, and my family...! to have love, faith, trust and loyalty from family is the biggest thing in this world and then i could get one most important thing in my life my strength and smile which have been behind the clouds of fear...! please bring the sunlight of that everything which i expect from my family...! i want to do whatever i want to and yet wish to get a love, support and trust from my family...! god, i don't know whether my current family is gonna this or not for me... but yes i want to tell that i will be like this what i expect from my family...! i will try to be perfect... i want to live that dream in real for which i have been craving every moment since so long...!
i want to wear what i want... i want to do what i want... i want to go where i want... i want  to laugh as much as i want... i want to run as much as i want... i want to live my life for someone so that some one will never feel to cry like me ever...! so that i would die with the pleasure that someone has got an opportunity to live that my every dream in real which i had been willing to live...! :)
I love u my god... just living today, dreaming my future and waiting for the moment to color...! :)  I love u so much for atleast giving me all of these things which i have with me today :) because when i look around i found that there are people who don't have not even what i have... but yet i wish to get higher and higher not only for myself satisfaction but even for them who are below me... to help them, to give them a nice one perfectly shaped lives... i really want to be supporter or media to direct the lives of those orphan people who really have right to live that every dream which i have dreamed today for me... and just willing to be one brisk in those dreams for them also along with me...!
but without your support i can't do anything... so just please be with me, guide me, support me, love me, protect me and please please please please be with me forever my goodness my lord... because whatever i good i do in my life is just and just your bless and nothing more ever...! :)

29 sept, 2013

my heart is beating... dhak... dhak... thank you god...

I love the way manu has wrote these beautiful words on the occasion of heart day today...! :) 


“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired. 

Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision. 

Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy. 

Trust, even when your heart begs you not to. 

Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see. 

Frolick, even when you are made fun of. 

Kiss, even when others are watching. 

Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring. 

Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more. 

And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. 

Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. 

And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. 

What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear.

Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.” 

― Alysha Speer

24 sept, 2013

NONE has a perfect life in this world...!

Everyone has pain in this world...! NONE IS WITHOUT TROUBLE, PROBLEM, SORROW, PAIN IN THIS WORLD.

Don't know why? 
But i have thought alot about the everyone's live...! i had been thinking that only i have that much pain and sorrow, and problems in my life and that there are few people around the world who are fully with perfect life of joy and happiness around...!

But i accept today that there is none in this world who is 100% happy and whose life is genuinely perfectly...! 

In my life i have tension, and sorrow about my mom's health, my dad's health...!
in tatya uncle's life everything was perfect but then aunty's white spots makes him sad every single time...!
In mama's family, mama's leg blockage makes his and everyone's mind sad...!
In bhausaheb mama's life prafull's nature and thought about prafull's future makes him worried...!
In mai's life uncle's parallesis attack has made her life miserable...! 
In dada uncle's family, aunty's heartless nature makes him sad...!

I had been thinking that manu's family have perfect life...! but no...! not even her family has the perfect life...! Gaurav dada's death and then manu's health problems have made her family worried and sad...!

Shalu's family is not also 100% perfect...! Shalu's disease has made her and her family's life sad...!

then finally on studying lives of my lovely people... finally i have came to realize that when bhagwan Ram had even gone for wanwas... then we are humans...! how could our lives be without pains? sorrows? and troubles? 

it's rule of nature that none is in this world with 100% perfect and happy life...! everyone has some where problems in their lives...! and so, its best to keep fighting against these troubles with smile all the time on lips...! 
But one thing is clear... that the problems, sorrows are the only best teachers and guides to teach morels of life, to give right lessons, to show the difference between true and fake relationships, to teach the definition of extreme joy when we wins in the battles against the problems and hard times in our lives...!

so, god... i am not saying that don't give me troubles... but i just wish give me strength to fight against them... give me strong mind to take appropriate decisions, and please make me win at the last of this battle... but please never take away my lovey people... because i think nothing in this world is gonna brought those precious souls back to me... and i love them all... i m ready to face any hard situation but please keep my lovelies always happy, safe, and healthy...! please make my mama, my uncles, aunty, manu, shalu good and healthy...! oh dear lord please give us the strength to fight... make us strong with the love for each other...! 

we want your love dear god... to keep our lovelies and love for them safe and permanent...! 

14 Sept, 2013

I am not sure that whether I should put up my thoughts on some media like notebook or diary or anything like that...! it's my 3rd attempt to write dairy... don't know upto how long i would be really interested in it...!
but the dairy which my lovely brother has gifted me is such a lovely thing with me that i was scared off not to spoil with unwanted things...! i have wrote just few pages of it... but those are very mysterious and secrete... i wish when i will die, my brother should read it... but as long as i am alive... i don't wish that ever anybody should read it...!
i have got 3 beautiful more siblings in gift by god along with biological one...! but yet... inspite of having such a 4 lovely siblings with me... i feel something is incomplete...! i feels like may be he will be my husband aka my better half who would be only able to complete me...! but i am too much confused with the matter of selection of perfect life partner for me that i have tremendous ambitions with me, after 12th standard, every single day of my life has changed tremendously that i really don't know that will my better half be really able to complete me? will he be as per what i expect? will he be with me to fulfill my ambitions? i was expecting for a perfect life partner with me who will have everything what i want...! but don't know... whether he will be really that everything what i expect with him?

i want that he should have that special quality with him which will make him perfect in my eye... will make me believe that he has all the abilities to make me satisfied and he is the only person who could complete me, be lifetime partner to walk on the way to complete my ambitions... and our hearts are so united that we could complete our dreams together in most perfect way...!

now till today my life was with my parents, siblings and other relatives, friends...! but even if they will be with me throughout of my life... yet now someone who will be really understand my heart and will never misunderstand me is needed badly with me...!

i am really confused and shyly about the matter of love, marriage, all that sort of things...! but he must be such a confident and perfect one who will really make me stable and will really took me with him on the perfectly right way...!

i want to hold his hand, and create a beautiful heaven around me along with him to make his life perfect, to be with him on every situation, to shower love and care in my heart over him... and to make him happy in his life...!

i really wish the husband but not that own who will underestimate me, who will dominate me, who will control me, but that one who with be with me, who will rejoice me, who will make me feel proud for being called as his wife, who will keep me and house all the time happy with his naughty, lovely, romantic, sweet acts...! whose romantics talk will bring a beautiful pink shade on my cheek unknowingly and will make me feel to forget into his eyes...! whose eyes will reflect his true lovely, crystal clear and generous heart out of it easily...! his smile will not be just on the lips but into his eyes too... so that when i will look into his eyes automatically a smile will appear on my lips to...!
who will be only for me and none else...! whose mind will be with the thoughts of me and only me... and none else...! even if anything would happened in life... he will never leave a good track and will work hard to get out of that with best recreation again with the same passion, same enthusiasm...but will never walk on the bad way...!

i wish a person who will be really thoughtful... and will think with right approach to everything around him... and will happen in life...! will never make me feel embarrassed but will make me feel happy, right, satisfied and confidence...!

whose presence with me should create galaxy around me...! :) and he must say those beautiful three words in my ears softly while holding me against him every single night to sleep with peace for dreaming about beautiful tomorrow...!