many things has changed in my life since last two years... may be many thing will even change in near by future! people are showing their true color during that...
today atya said that it's not good to not have faith in god!
but i don't care!
i know may be this one thing of not having faith in god could lead so many people towards the thought that i am moral less person! or may be i am bad person! but none knows the reason that why i started to lose faith in thing of being having god around... i was not like that... i had extreme faith in devi mayya since my mumma's recovery! i had prayed devi mayya every day from heart... but the way this things of god has taken place in kanha's case has created extreme hate for god in my heart!
may be this is bad or good i don't know! but i don't feel any affection towards this concept!
when i think of god... then i feel myself weak... i gets depend on some virtual thing which is neither there for me nor helping me! then why should i depend and loose my own powers? my own confidence? my own courage by praying some unexisting thing to help me?
bcos if god had been there to help me... it could have never let my brother face this situation, he could have never let my parents face the things they are facing today... he could have understood how badly i was broken with my own problem when suddenly he took away my biggest pillar of support from me in form of snatching away my brother and his love for me!
so i don't believe in god any more... nor do i feel to go to temple... or bow my head infront of any god! infact better to say... i m like this only now... and i don't know if ever i would change... and if i would change then only i will go to temple or to bow my head infront of god if and only if my brother will be in fully normal state with me with smiles on my parent's face!
jya diwashi maza bhau normal human mhanun jagel... fakt ani fakt tyach diwashi mi mandirachi pahiri chadhen!!!!
towar mazya manat, mazya hrudayat dewala jaga nahi!
mi khup badalaliy... may be mazya hya nature la pahun kuni mazya shi wedding la pn tayyar nahi honar... but i don't care!
mala nahi farak padat lok kay think kartat!
i have made my own mind... there was none when i had been facing... when i had almost lost my brother... then why should i bother for people? they had laugh at me even if i was right... and they will laugh even if i will do right or wrong anything! so i don't care what other's will think of my opinion, my feelings towards god! people calls me atheistic! then fine... I am atheistic! as pan theistic houn kotya dewane maz kalyan kel? infact me weak ch hot gele... so now when i am feeling strong with feeling that there is no any god to help us except myself and people in my life then i don't care what other's feels!
it's my life... and i will take decisions in my life as i want! i just care for people i love.. i am happy for being human... and i will do every task, every good thing, every good help for human around me!
nahi mala kona dewacha awata bhakt whaychay... nahi moksh milwaychay, nahi swargat jaychey! i am happy for what i have...! je kasht mazya life madhe aalet, jo hard time mazya life madhe aalay... i have accepted it... i am ready to face those as human!
jar lok mala mhantil ki tula pap lagnar... tar thike... tehi manjur! but i won't go to temple or god at all!
mi jashi aahe ti ashich aahe! maze ways mich banwnar... mala kuni help nahi keli, lok hasle jewha mi innocently radat hoti... jewha maze dreams mazi chuk nastana shatter zale tevha lok mala hasat hote, mala blame karat hote, mala question karat hote ki jya questions che answers mala navhate mahit! mg ka mi atta ghabru?
mi ek khup chhan human aahe he mala mahitiy! and that thing is enough for me! my parents know how am i! they loves me! my kaka kaki loved me, supported me, supported my parents when there was none for us to understand our pain... they are god for me! my parents are god for me!
the people who will help me, who will love me, who had loved, supported, helped me are my gods! and they are alive and dead now... but i would bow my head only and only infront of them and not infront of any temple or church or statue!
i know many boys could say wrong about my this nature but i don't care! i know there will be someone who would understand my feelings and won't go for that thing to judge me! but he would understand me as human!
mala nahi kunala impress karaychay... nahi khotya hopes dakhawaychyay... mi je aahe te crystal clear aahe! i don't want someone to get impress with the personality i am not! tya peksha mi single mast aahe! i don't feel any kind of weakness in that! i trust myself... i know i am good person... and that thing makes me brave!
mi good person aahe, hushar aahe, and i have interests about what i do... i do things from heart is the best part i have! i love everything i do! and that is my strength! i know kitti pn hard time aala tari mi nahi break down honar! my parents love me is biggest precious thing i have!
i will worship and bow my head only and only infront of humans in my life who are truely gems in themselve... they are god for me.... my mom, my dad, tatya uncle, dipa aunty, vispute kaka, khartri kaka-kaki, smita maushi and kaka, manu, hasru, shalu, anu, himu and my little sweet heart... kanha!
i know ki kanha has alot of hate about me in his heart at this moment as i force him to take medicines against his wish... may be his psychological state could bring extreme hate about me in his heart in near by future... may be he will understand my act or may not be... and so i can't deny that in some case it could happened that... kanha won't love me as his sister, may be he will never ask me in future and will distance himself from me... but it's ok... it's not his fault! he doesn't know what he is going through... he feels himself as normal... but he is not! and that one thing is biggest problem about his relationship with me, aai, papa and others!
May be his hate could even distance him from aai papa... ! may be he won't ever treate aai papa as his parents as he says every now and then... but i won't! i won't let my parents be alone ever in my life!
may be these all the problems could affect my future regarding wedding! bcos almost all the boys expect their wife to be employeed, to be their wife only without having any responsibility from her family on his shoulder... sagalya boys la sararyacha money, sasaryacha respect hawa asto... ek sundar paise kamwnari wife hawi aste! and my situation is very different from that...
i am highly qualified but i don't have job due to problems in my life... may be kanha fully recover hoil towar mazya job sathi khup hard situation yenar aahe... and no boy would support me in that case! ani due to kanha's health problem... aai papa naa mi mulgi nahi but mulga zaliy! mazya papa naa mi mhanje tyachya jagnyach reason aahe! and i m his strength! so if in future it will be needed i will stand by my parents to support in all means! je ki kontyach boy la may be kadhich acceptable nasel!
so jar mazya life madhe kuni as son of my parents yayla tayyar asel.... jar kuni boy along with his own parents mazya parents la pn as his own parents love karayla tayyar asel, if the boy will understand my parent's place and the reasons for my decisions regarding career in life then and then i will marry! otherwise i don't need anybody! i am capable of taking care of my parents and myself!
jari atta mala job nahiye... but i haven't lost hopes..... i know inspite of having talent... there are different things which turns into reasons for situations in life and i have accepted those things! i don't have job now... but i will get job at any cost! Jar on the basis of M.E mala job nahi milala tari thike... i will go for either MBA from IIM or i will go for Ph.D from IIT then! but i won't cry for that ever in my life again! never!!!!!
mi saglya lokana chup karel! sagalyana tondat bot ghalayla lawel! mi maze career tar achieve karel ch karel... but aaj je lok mala wrong mhantay, je lok mala mazya opinions and decision baddal boltay, je lok mazya wedding problems baddal hastay, je lok mazya career problems baddal hastay... tyana saaglayana tyanchya dreams madhe pn watle nasel ase success milwun chup karun dakhawel... maz career saglyana wonder karayla lawel!
ani mazya bhawa baddal jyana mahit nahiye... jya lokana mi ani aai papa kay situation madhun jatoy te kalat nahiye tyanchya opinion ne mi kadhi hurt nahi honar! aaj atya kay bolalya te mala affect nahi hou denar...
mi sagl kahi thik karel... mazya aai papa naa ani kaka kaki ni jya premane sagl samjun ghetlay te khup precious aahe!
basically mazya kaki ne aai la jya premane samjun ghetl... dhir dila... that is more important and precious... no matter what will happen... i will be by side of my kaka kaki forever in every up and down when they will need me... i will help them!
infact jya jya lokani mala help keliy... or else mala prem dilay... i will love them all forever!
i will love my parents, my kaka kaki, kanha, hasru, manu, shalu, anu, himu, smita maushi, kaka, and khatri family and vispute kaka's family!
today atya said that it's not good to not have faith in god!
but i don't care!
i know may be this one thing of not having faith in god could lead so many people towards the thought that i am moral less person! or may be i am bad person! but none knows the reason that why i started to lose faith in thing of being having god around... i was not like that... i had extreme faith in devi mayya since my mumma's recovery! i had prayed devi mayya every day from heart... but the way this things of god has taken place in kanha's case has created extreme hate for god in my heart!
may be this is bad or good i don't know! but i don't feel any affection towards this concept!
when i think of god... then i feel myself weak... i gets depend on some virtual thing which is neither there for me nor helping me! then why should i depend and loose my own powers? my own confidence? my own courage by praying some unexisting thing to help me?
bcos if god had been there to help me... it could have never let my brother face this situation, he could have never let my parents face the things they are facing today... he could have understood how badly i was broken with my own problem when suddenly he took away my biggest pillar of support from me in form of snatching away my brother and his love for me!
so i don't believe in god any more... nor do i feel to go to temple... or bow my head infront of any god! infact better to say... i m like this only now... and i don't know if ever i would change... and if i would change then only i will go to temple or to bow my head infront of god if and only if my brother will be in fully normal state with me with smiles on my parent's face!
jya diwashi maza bhau normal human mhanun jagel... fakt ani fakt tyach diwashi mi mandirachi pahiri chadhen!!!!
towar mazya manat, mazya hrudayat dewala jaga nahi!
mi khup badalaliy... may be mazya hya nature la pahun kuni mazya shi wedding la pn tayyar nahi honar... but i don't care!
mala nahi farak padat lok kay think kartat!
i have made my own mind... there was none when i had been facing... when i had almost lost my brother... then why should i bother for people? they had laugh at me even if i was right... and they will laugh even if i will do right or wrong anything! so i don't care what other's will think of my opinion, my feelings towards god! people calls me atheistic! then fine... I am atheistic! as pan theistic houn kotya dewane maz kalyan kel? infact me weak ch hot gele... so now when i am feeling strong with feeling that there is no any god to help us except myself and people in my life then i don't care what other's feels!
it's my life... and i will take decisions in my life as i want! i just care for people i love.. i am happy for being human... and i will do every task, every good thing, every good help for human around me!
nahi mala kona dewacha awata bhakt whaychay... nahi moksh milwaychay, nahi swargat jaychey! i am happy for what i have...! je kasht mazya life madhe aalet, jo hard time mazya life madhe aalay... i have accepted it... i am ready to face those as human!
jar lok mala mhantil ki tula pap lagnar... tar thike... tehi manjur! but i won't go to temple or god at all!
mi jashi aahe ti ashich aahe! maze ways mich banwnar... mala kuni help nahi keli, lok hasle jewha mi innocently radat hoti... jewha maze dreams mazi chuk nastana shatter zale tevha lok mala hasat hote, mala blame karat hote, mala question karat hote ki jya questions che answers mala navhate mahit! mg ka mi atta ghabru?
mi ek khup chhan human aahe he mala mahitiy! and that thing is enough for me! my parents know how am i! they loves me! my kaka kaki loved me, supported me, supported my parents when there was none for us to understand our pain... they are god for me! my parents are god for me!
the people who will help me, who will love me, who had loved, supported, helped me are my gods! and they are alive and dead now... but i would bow my head only and only infront of them and not infront of any temple or church or statue!
i know many boys could say wrong about my this nature but i don't care! i know there will be someone who would understand my feelings and won't go for that thing to judge me! but he would understand me as human!
mala nahi kunala impress karaychay... nahi khotya hopes dakhawaychyay... mi je aahe te crystal clear aahe! i don't want someone to get impress with the personality i am not! tya peksha mi single mast aahe! i don't feel any kind of weakness in that! i trust myself... i know i am good person... and that thing makes me brave!
mi good person aahe, hushar aahe, and i have interests about what i do... i do things from heart is the best part i have! i love everything i do! and that is my strength! i know kitti pn hard time aala tari mi nahi break down honar! my parents love me is biggest precious thing i have!
i will worship and bow my head only and only infront of humans in my life who are truely gems in themselve... they are god for me.... my mom, my dad, tatya uncle, dipa aunty, vispute kaka, khartri kaka-kaki, smita maushi and kaka, manu, hasru, shalu, anu, himu and my little sweet heart... kanha!
i know ki kanha has alot of hate about me in his heart at this moment as i force him to take medicines against his wish... may be his psychological state could bring extreme hate about me in his heart in near by future... may be he will understand my act or may not be... and so i can't deny that in some case it could happened that... kanha won't love me as his sister, may be he will never ask me in future and will distance himself from me... but it's ok... it's not his fault! he doesn't know what he is going through... he feels himself as normal... but he is not! and that one thing is biggest problem about his relationship with me, aai, papa and others!
May be his hate could even distance him from aai papa... ! may be he won't ever treate aai papa as his parents as he says every now and then... but i won't! i won't let my parents be alone ever in my life!
may be these all the problems could affect my future regarding wedding! bcos almost all the boys expect their wife to be employeed, to be their wife only without having any responsibility from her family on his shoulder... sagalya boys la sararyacha money, sasaryacha respect hawa asto... ek sundar paise kamwnari wife hawi aste! and my situation is very different from that...
i am highly qualified but i don't have job due to problems in my life... may be kanha fully recover hoil towar mazya job sathi khup hard situation yenar aahe... and no boy would support me in that case! ani due to kanha's health problem... aai papa naa mi mulgi nahi but mulga zaliy! mazya papa naa mi mhanje tyachya jagnyach reason aahe! and i m his strength! so if in future it will be needed i will stand by my parents to support in all means! je ki kontyach boy la may be kadhich acceptable nasel!
so jar mazya life madhe kuni as son of my parents yayla tayyar asel.... jar kuni boy along with his own parents mazya parents la pn as his own parents love karayla tayyar asel, if the boy will understand my parent's place and the reasons for my decisions regarding career in life then and then i will marry! otherwise i don't need anybody! i am capable of taking care of my parents and myself!
jari atta mala job nahiye... but i haven't lost hopes..... i know inspite of having talent... there are different things which turns into reasons for situations in life and i have accepted those things! i don't have job now... but i will get job at any cost! Jar on the basis of M.E mala job nahi milala tari thike... i will go for either MBA from IIM or i will go for Ph.D from IIT then! but i won't cry for that ever in my life again! never!!!!!
mi saglya lokana chup karel! sagalyana tondat bot ghalayla lawel! mi maze career tar achieve karel ch karel... but aaj je lok mala wrong mhantay, je lok mala mazya opinions and decision baddal boltay, je lok mazya wedding problems baddal hastay, je lok mazya career problems baddal hastay... tyana saaglayana tyanchya dreams madhe pn watle nasel ase success milwun chup karun dakhawel... maz career saglyana wonder karayla lawel!
ani mazya bhawa baddal jyana mahit nahiye... jya lokana mi ani aai papa kay situation madhun jatoy te kalat nahiye tyanchya opinion ne mi kadhi hurt nahi honar! aaj atya kay bolalya te mala affect nahi hou denar...
mi sagl kahi thik karel... mazya aai papa naa ani kaka kaki ni jya premane sagl samjun ghetlay te khup precious aahe!
basically mazya kaki ne aai la jya premane samjun ghetl... dhir dila... that is more important and precious... no matter what will happen... i will be by side of my kaka kaki forever in every up and down when they will need me... i will help them!
infact jya jya lokani mala help keliy... or else mala prem dilay... i will love them all forever!
i will love my parents, my kaka kaki, kanha, hasru, manu, shalu, anu, himu, smita maushi, kaka, and khatri family and vispute kaka's family!
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